Sirius Isms
by Lils
Summary: Sirius is secretly in love with Lily, as is James. Lily has finally agreed to go out with James, though. Sirius desperately tries to destroy their date, and from that we have my new story.
1. Best Friends and Curses

Alright, here's my new story which sort of focuses around Sirius at first, but then James and Lily so I don't have a clue where to put this. I think it's a bit odd, so just bear with me here.

I'm going to warn you now. I'm not the best person to update (in other words, I suck, you've been warned!), but this has been in my document manager since September (it seriously has) and I have the next chapter written, so hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm particularly proud of this. I think it's my best work, but my other stories suck in my opinion so...

I made some minor edits to this which is why there isn't a new chapter right now, but there will be in a little while because I'm about to start editing the next chapter.

Let me know if there's any name confusion because I renamed one of the characters 3 times, and I think I changed it all to what it's supposed to be, just let me know if I missed one and I'll change it.

_Summary: Sirius is secretly in love with Lily, as is James. Lily has finally agreed to go out with James, though. Sirius desperately tries to destroy their date, and from that we have my new story._

**Sirius-Isms**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Sirius, Lily, James, or any other characters, places, or things that you recognize. All I own is this pretty disclaimer!_

_Chapter 1: Best Friends and Curses_

Sirius was staring at the Hogwarts grounds out of the window in the Gryffindor Common Room. His best friend, James, was standing down there talking with Lily, and Sirius had a strong feeling of what James might be saying to the girl that Sirius had been in love with for a year. Lily was absolutely perfect. Sirius could find no flaws about her. She was tall and beautiful. She was smart and stood up for herself and other, even though she usually did this to Sirius and James. Sirius loved her anyways.

Sirius had never admitted his feelings for Lily to anyone, although Remus did figure it out eventually. But James had been in love with Lily since first year, and Sirius always felt that his loyalty was to his friend. He always figured that James would eventually give up and move on with his life, leaving Sirius free to ask out Lily.

"What are you doing, Padfoot?" came a voice from behind Sirius, as he instantly recognized it.

"Nothing, Moony," he replied as James left Lily looking rather excited, and Lily's best friend, Nore, ran over to her. "Damn."

"What?" queried Remus.

"Nothing," Sirius repeated as Remus joined him by the window and looked down where Sirius had been looking.

"You know, Padfoot, if you keep this up you could achieve stalker status," commented Remus as though they were discussing the weather.

"I'm not a stalker!" protested Sirius grumpily.

"If you love her so much why don't you ask her out?" questioned Remus tiredly, as though they had had this conversation many times before.

"Because James has a tiny crush on her, and he's my best friend!" answered Sirius.

"Why don't you tell him how you feel?" asked Remus.

"Because James would kill me!" exclaimed Sirius.

Remus did not deny this, not that he had the chance. Because at that very moment, James came bursting into the Common Room looking as though he had just run a marathon. Breathing heavily, he walked as fast as he could over to Sirius and Remus.

"She said yes!" he managed to say between breaths with an extremely proud look on his face.

"Who? Lily?" asked Sirius sounding shocked.

"Yeah," said James with a distant, dreamy look on his face. "I have to go meet Lily in the library now. She said she'd help me with my Charms essay too. It's so much better to call her by her first name instead of Evans."

And with that, James exited the Common Room, as quickly as he had entered it.

"Sirius," said Remus softly immediately after James had left them.

"Damn it. You know me too well," muttered Sirius sourly as he glared at James as he left the Common Room.

"How are you?" questioned Remus concernedly.

"I'm fine," lied Sirius. "Why shouldn't I be? Just because my best friend is going on a date with the girl I've had a crush on since sixth year!"

"As opposed to James who has loved her since first year," Remus reasoned.

"Exactly. Moony, you have to help me!" cried Sirius desperately.

"With what?" asked Remus, looking at Sirius very suspiciously.

"You have to help me ruin their date so Lily will fall in love with me instead," Sirius pleaded insanely.

"Sirius, do you realize what you're asking me to do?" asked Remus very slowly as though he was talking to a small child.

"Yes," replied Sirius in the same tone that Remus had used on him.

"So, you realize hat you're asking me to help you ruin _your very best friend's _date with a girl that it took him four years to agree to go out with him?" asked Remus incredulously.

"Well, he shouldn't be going out with a girl that I have a crush on! He should know better!" protested Sirius.

"He doesn't know that you fancy her!" retorted Remus. "If he knew he might not have asked her out!"

"Well, why didn't you tell me earlier?" cried Sirius exasperatedly.

Remus shrugged and said, "Sirius, James has been waiting a very long time to get a date with Lily. He's been in love with her since his first year. Why can't you just be happy for him?"

"Well, why can't it be the other way around?" asked Sirius. "Besides I've had a crush on her since sixth year, so I've fancied her longer."

"That makes no sense," said Remus with a sigh.

"Yes, it does! Because six is a higher number than one, so that proves that I've loved her longer!"

"No, that proves that you can't count," snapped Remus who was beginning to sound annoyed.

"Fine. Make fun of me. Betray me, just like James. He stole the girl I'm in love with!"

"First of all I am not betraying you and neither did James. And as for you loving Lily, you don't know anything about her," reasoned Remus.

"I do too!" lied Sirius who know almost nothing about Lily apart from the fact that she was a muggle-born, in Gryffindor, and the Head Girl. But he didn't need to know everything about her. He knew he loved the way she looked when she laughed. He loved the way she stood up for others, even if it included Snivellus. He loved the way she always seemed to know the answers in class.

"What's her middle name?" questioned Remus taking Sirius from his list of the reasons why he fancied Lily.

"Er."

"Exactly," said Remus smugly.

"Fine! I'll just go and get someone else to help me!" cried Sirius.

"And I'll go warn James," Remus responded.

"No, you can't!" shouted Sirius as he pulled out his wand and aimed it at his friend. "Favericus."

"What did you do?" asked Remus sounding annoyed.

"Do mine ears deceive me? Does Prefect Moony not know what a spell does?" asked Sirius in tones of mock surprise.

"Sirius Orion Black," said Moony warningly.

"You'll figure it out later. It takes a few minutes to get started," replied Sirius as he quickly left the Common Room and ran away from his angry friend. He ran down the halls so quickly not watching where he was going that he bumped into two of his fellow Gryffindors seventh-years. Sirius got to his feet smiling at the two of them as a new plan formed in his head.

He studied both of the girls for a second. The first girl had long dark red hair and brilliant green eyes. The second girl was several inches shorter than the first and had short brownish-black hair and soft brown eyes.

Sirius held out a hand to Lily and helped her up, although he ignored her best friend, Nore, who got up looking slightly insulted and muttering wildly under her breath.

"Are you okay, Evans?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Lily replied.

"I'm fine too," interjected Nore slightly indignantly.

"That's good," he said. "I heard that you finally agreed to go out with Jamesie."

"Yes," said Lily smiling uncertainly. She had not detected the bitterness in Sirius's voice, although Nore might have because she was now staring shrewdly at Sirius.

"She agreed to go out with him out of _her_ own free will," put in Nore rather pointedly.

"I didn't say that James forced her," muttered Sirius sulkily glaring at her.

"I have to go meet James in the library. I'll see you both later. Bye!" said Lily as she began heading in the direction of the library. Sirius felt anger flare up inside himself at these words, but he couldn't help smiling at her as she retreated to the library. Sirius was completely unaware that Nore was still there or that she was now staring at him.

"Sirius," said Nore waving a hand in front of her face. Sirius's thoughts were torn from Lily and were now on the short, seventh year in front of her. "You in there?"

"Oh, hey Nore," he said as though he just noticed that she was there.

"Were… were you just staring at Lily?" Nore asked again studying him intently.

"Of course not!" Sirius replied haughtily as though she were crazy. Sirius had always had a gift of making people believe whatever he said.

"Because the way you were just staring at her, it seemed as though… do you fancy her, Sirius?" Nore asked hesitantly but determinedly.

"No," denied Sirius in the same tone as before while Nore raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe a little," Sirius confessed as though it was the kind of thing one would say casually in passing.

Nore dropped her bag, so that all of her books, quills, ink, and parchment fell out and were splattered with tiny drops on ink. But Nore did not bend down to pick them up, nor was she aware that her bag was no longer in her hands.

"Sirius!" she hissed. "Does James know?"

"Yes, of course he does! Why else would he have asked her out?" retorted Sirius sarcastically.

"What's James going to do when he finds out? He's completely in love with her!"

"So am I!" responded Sirius hotly.

"What's her middle name?" asked Nore.

"Why do people keep asking me that?" asked a very frustrated Sirius putting his hand up to his head.

"James will kill you when he finds out!"

"Which is why we're not going to tell him!"

"So, you're just going to secretly be in love with Lily forever?" she asked.

"No. Really, Nore, they won't go out for more than a week," answered Sirius a lot more confidently then he felt.

"What if they go out more than a week? What if he and Lily get along real well and they get married or something?" inquired Nore.

Sirius felt a powerful surge of jealousy rise through him. He felt anger. He had a vision of Lily and James kissing. Of James proposing to her. Of them getting married while he stood off to the side. He envisioned small versions of James and Lily running around a yard calling him Uncle Padfoot. And for the first time ever, Sirius sincerely wished that he had never met James Potter.

"We have to make sure that does _not _happen!" Sirius told her. "I can't be Uncle Padfoot!"

"Uncle Padfoot? And we?" repeated Nore. "What? Do you want me to help you sabotage their date or something?"

"Yes!" cried Sirius.

"No!"

"Nore! Why not?" he whined.

"Let's see," she replied in tones of mock seriousness. "One, she's my best friend. Two, he's your best friend. Three, he's loved her since forever. Four-"

"Okay. Okay. But, what if she and James do hit it off and Lily falls in love with him and then he just decides to dump her," Sirius pointed out.

"He's been after her for years! He's not about to dump her," Nore assured him although Sirius was positive that he had detected a note of doubt in her voice. A new plan was now forming in his head as he looked at her.

"That's exactly it! People want what they can't have! Now that James has Lily he won't want her anymore!" argued Sirius. He knew that Nore was immensely loyal to her friend and would hate it if Lily were to be crushed by James.

"That's not true," countered Nore, the doubt in her voice becoming more pronounced each second.

"It is! Help me, Nore," pleaded Sirius. "I know you don't want to see Lily hurt and neither do I."

"She won't be hurt," she muttered trying to convince herself more than Sirius. "James is…"

Sirius and Nore both knew exactly what James was. For someone who always seemed to be chasing after Lily, he also always seemed to have a girlfriend as well. And James seemed to have a knack for breaking their hearts. He had never had a relationship that had last more than three weeks. Sirius knew how much Nore would hate it for Lily to become another name on the long list of James's ex-girlfriends. But then again, Sirius knew that James genuinely loved Lily.

"I love her more," whispered Sirius so distractedly that he did not hear Nore speak.

"Sirius, did you hear me? I said I'd help," repeated Nore looking as though she regretted each word as she spoke them.

"Really? You will?" asked Sirius excitedly, as new plans were once more forming in his head.

"Yes," sighed Nore. "But I'm adding this to the list of Sirius-isms."

"What?"

"It's the list that Lily and I have of the stupid things you do."


	2. Purple Bubbles and Dirty Minds

_Disclaimer: Not my people, not my places, not my nouns in general. Only thing I own is the plot and Nore._

_This chapter does so very little to advance the plot, but it was extremely entertaining to write and it advances the plot a little. And if you're curious, it took a really long time because I had it all written, and then I decided that the beginning of the chapter sucked and I needed to re-write it. And it really needs a good chapter title. I swear that the next chapter actually advances the plot._

_Chapter 2: Purple Bubbles and Dirty Minds_

Lily couldn't help, but notice the odd things that were going on at breakfast that morning.

She sat down next to James who was smiling nervously. Lily could hardly believe that James was the same person who used to hex people for fun when they got on his nerves. This James was sweet and more mature. He could still be a little arrogant at times, but overall he had really improved. He still played pranks on people sometimes, but they were no longer cruel or hurt anyone. Lily mentioned this to Nore last night, but she just made a bizarre noise and went to sleep.

Perhaps it was Lily's imagination but for some reason she imagined that Sirius's eyes kept flickering towards her that morning. And it seemed that Nore and Sirius kept exchanging strange looks with some sort of significance.

"What's up, you guys?" she asked as Sirius and Nore exchanged another look as James put his arm around Lily.

"Nothing," responded Sirius quickly.

"You guys keep looking at each other," James added.

"We do not," Nore denied her face growing red. Lily wondered vaguely if she and Sirius were going out. Or if one of them at least had a crush on the other.

Sirius, however, made no attempt, however, to deny that he and Nore had been exchanging glances.

"We played a prank together yesterday, and we're wondering how it turned out," answered Sirius smoothly.

"On who?" Lily demanded, as long as she had known Nore she had never been one to play pranks on other people. She'd been like Lily and denounced it as cruel and immature.

"Without me?" asked James indignantly.

"We didn't think Mrs. Prongs would approve," replied Sirius with the smallest trace of bitterness hidden in his voice as Lily blushed at being called Mrs. Prongs.

"What'd you do?" asked James excitedly, as Lily rolled her eyes, and as Sirius predicted Mrs. Prongs did not approve.

"I can't believe you helped him, Nore," commented Lily sounding amazed.

"So, what did you do?" persisted James with the enthusiasm of a small child on Christmas morning.

But a strange strangled noise prevented Sirius from answering.

Everyone turned their heads and saw that Remus was now making his way towards them, looking rather angry.

"Hey Moony," James greeted. "I didn't see you last night where were you?"

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead a large stream of purple bubbles issued out of his mouth. Lily was looking angrily at James, Sirius, Peter, and Nore. James looked as though he was also trying to resist the urge to laugh, no doubt to impress her. Nore was biting on her bottom lip. Sirius and Peter, however, were making no attempts whatsoever to restrain themselves.

"What happened, Moony?" asked James whose resolution not to laugh had finally given away.

Remus pointed an angry finger at Sirius, who turned around, and looked behind him.

"That little Ravenclaw did that to you, Moony?" asked Sirius pointing to a small, Hufflepuff first-year sitting behind them.

"Was this your prank?" Lily asked Sirius and Nore staring disbelievingly at Nore. Lily would never expect anything like this from Nore. Sirius, yes. Nore, no.

"No, it was her," Sirius told them pointing at the small Ravenclaw again.

"Why don't you take it off yourself?" Peter asked Remus stupidly.

"How is he supposed to cast any Countercurse when purple bubbles fly out of his mouth whenever he opens it?" asked James impatiently as Peter flushed.

"Finite incantatem," muttered Lily taking out her own wand and pointing it at Remus.

He opened his mouth to thank her, but another rush of purple bubbles soared out of his mouth.

"That first-year really knows her stuff," commented Sirius.

"Lily did a spell wrong," said James in a horrible sing-song voice.

"It's not too late to cancel on you," threatened Lily.

James suddenly looked stricken.

"Take it off him, Sirius," James commanded, his voice deeper and more pleasant as his hand automatically flew to his hair.

"But I though that that first…" Peter trailed off as the rest of them stared at him incredulously. "Oh."

Sirius turned around in his seat and tapped the first-year, Hufflepuff girl on the back. She turned in her seat and looked at Sirius with a horrified expression on her face.

"Very funny joke. Could you take the spell off Remus now?" Sirius asked her. Her eyes widened and a red flush crept into her face.

"Aw, she has a crush on you," remarked Lily with a sweet smile, and for some reason Sirius's face was now tinted with a very light pink as well.

"She seems a bit young for you, Padfoot," James added.

An odd strangled noise came from nearby. Lily looked over and saw that Remus was trying to get their attention without opening his mouth.

"We tried to get her to take off the curse. Sorry, Moony," Sirius apologized attempting to look innocent.

Remus glowered furiously at Sirius. He took out his own wand and pointed it at him, but when he attempted to cast a spell, more bubbles came from his mouth.

"Sirius, just take the spell off him," directed Nore.

"I can't Nore," he responded throwing her a quick glance as if he were trying to communicate an unspoken message causing half the table to wonder if there was anything going on between the two of them.

"Why not?" she asked obviously not getting whatever message Sirius was trying to convey to her.

"It doesn't have a Countercurse," replied Sirius sliding in his seat as far away as possible from Remus, who now looked ready to strangle Sirius.

Another stream of bubbles came from Remus's mouth. And Lily was quite sure that he had just attempted to say something that he would never dare say in front of his mother.

"So, he's just going to be walking around with bubbles coming out of his mouth for the rest of his life?" Peter asked.

"No, it took awhile for it to get started, so it takes awhile for it to end," Sirius told them calmly.

"I can't tell for certain, but judging by the look on his face, I think that he wants to know how long the curse will last," said Lily interpreting the look on Remus's face.

"And he's very, very angry," James added.

Lily turned back towards the rest of them and saw Sirius smile almost… well, as if he were in love with her. And for half of a second she believed it, before she convinced herself that she was crazy. Sirius was James's best friend, and he would never do anything to hurt him.

"It lasts about a week," responded Sirius trying to sound very casual, but looking extremely apprehensively at Remus.

Glaring angrily at Sirius no longer seemed to be enough for Remus. He reached over and hit Sirius on the arm.

"Ow! That hurt, Moony!" said Sirius rubbing the spot where Remus had hit him.

"I think it was supposed to," commented James wryly.

"Why would Remus want to hurt me?" asked Sirius as though he had done nothing wrong.

"Why'd you cast a spell on Remus anyway?" asked Lily curiously.

"Don't ask me. It was Nore's idea," said Sirius accusingly.

"Nore?" Lily repeated disbelievingly.

"It was not!" denied Nore hotly.

What happened to the ickle first year?" asked James smirking.

"They're evil pranking masterminds when they're together! They forced me!" muttered Sirius insanely.

"You couldn't stand up to the ickle first year and Nore?" asked James incredulously.

"Hey!" protested Nore as she weakly hit James on the shoulder.

"What?" asked James completely nonplussed.

"People can't walk all over me! I could make Sirius do something if I wanted to," Nore defended herself quickly realizing that she had just walked into a trap.

"And what do you want to make Sirius do?" asked James raising an eyebrow with a sickening smile on his face.

"You have a dirty mind, James Potter," answered Nore darkly.

"Relax, Nore, he was only joking," comforted Lily.

"Says who?" retorted James. "Who knows what goes on in that dirty little head of hers?"

"Can't be anything worse than what goes on in your head," Nore smirked triumphantly.

"Ha! So you admit that you have dirty thoughts?" said James triumphantly.

"Not any dirtier than yours," replied Nore with a somewhat twisted smile.

"Define dirty," James told her as everyone laughed.

"Anything that enters your head is dirty," she said dryly.

"You're the one with the dirty mind, all I wanted to know is what you would force Sirius to do," said James suggestively as he grinned wickedly.

"The way you're making it sound…" she trailed off.

"You keep jumping to conclusions with all of your sick and perverted thoughts," James replied airily as though they were talking about the weather.

"I think you're both dirty," Lily put in.

"Well, that works out perfectly then!" yelled James happily as he hugged her. "She's your best friend and you're in love with me!"

"I am not in love with you!" protested Lily, as a strangely hopeful look came over Sirius's face, which Lily promptly decided to ignore.

"You like dirty minded people though," James pointed out.

"I never said that!" cried Lily indignantly.

"Then explain how Nore's your best friend," demanded James.

"I do not have a dirty mind!"

"Not as dirty as Lily's," remarked James.

"Hey!" cried Lily.

"You might want to end this conversation now," Nore warned him.

"Right. My lady," James addressed Lily his voice deeper and more mature once more, as his hand automatically flew up to his head, "would you care to accompany me to Hogsmeade?"

"Do I have to curtsy?" asked Lily with a pink tinge in her cheeks.

"It's optional," he answered sweetly as he extended a hand to her. She took it smiling at how sweet he could be, completely unaware of the glare that they were receiving from their fellow classmate.

* * *

Thanks to my reviewers!

**Perilous**: Thanks, I'm sorry it took so long to update. Thanks for putting me on Story Alert!

**XHeartofaDragonX**: Thanks for putting it on your favorites list. And I was thrilled to hear that you liked the last line because I was honestly debating about whether to put it in or not! So, I'm very glad that you like it.


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